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My work day was overloaded - like usual, I dropped my coffee and stained my shirt, ripped a stocking and the guy I've been trying to be semi-serious with is only interested in having a lay. Now, after being unable to decompress on my own, I'm sitting here on my couch with a bottle of Chardonnay and my largest - and favorite of late - wine glass while I try to write away my sorrows and frustrations. So, here goes: My life feels like a giant mess pile in a contractor trash bag that I keep dragging behind me with no hope for the heaviness of its stress to lighten. I haven't gotten over my last break up yet - sad, I know - and it's just making me feel like I'm the most worthless person on the planet. I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking. Cole already knew he was going to wear his good boots and it was Clayton who handed him the red pearl button shirt with the white piping that he'd bought at the Stampede Rodeo when he was sixteen. He hadn't worn it in a long time and Cole was surprised to find that the well washed cotton fit him better than it hand before. It was no use for riding, tight in the shoulders now he'd put on muscle, but the shirt looked fitted across his tight abdomen and he stuck his arms out of Clayton to fold-roll his sleeves up."Where's your flying jacket?" Chase asked."I leant it to Clay here," Cole grinned as his brother rushed off to get the sheepskin that Cole had all but forgotten he owned. Cole settled the jacket on his shoulders when Clayton returned and looked in the mirror. He looked like..."Like an American dude rancher stud. Hot damn pup, where are you going dressed like that?" Carla Sathie was standing in the doorway, a pile of clean laundry in her arms."Cole's got a date..." Chase said in.
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